I got an email a few weeks ago that made me sit up and go, “WHAT??”
Brush Calligraphy w/ Pentel Color Brush
It was a sudden announcement by a hugely successful online entrepreneur, Vanessa Lau - she was closing up her signature online course and taking an indefinite break from her multi-million dollar business
I know Vanessa personally. In fact, we took a bit of a parallel track growing our businesses:
We both quit corporate jobs we were highly successful in, because we were miserable and unfulfilled.
We both started businesses hoping for more creativity, challenge and freedom in our lives.
We both created online courses and joined the same program in 2019 to teach us how to SCALE UP and sell more of our courses
We joined the same intimate, 8-person mastermind in 2020 to further grow our companies and skills as CEOs
As a result, our businesses both exploded in growth over the pandemic years
And we both ended up burning out and taking extended breaks from the businesses we worked so hard to build.
Now, don’t get me wrong, Vanessa’s business was much bigger than mine, in revenue and audience-size and number of employees and overall complexity.
In fact, that was the reason that she instantly became my Comparison Mirage.
What’s a “Comparison Mirage,” you ask?
—> It’s someone or something you can’t help but compare yourself to negatively, because they remind you a little bit of yourself, but they seem to be doing SO MUCH BETTER at all the things that you’re most insecure about.
“Omigod, she has so many Instagram followers already. How come I’m not attracting people that quickly?”
“Ugh, she puts out such perfectly branded, consistent, useful content. How come I can’t show up with that much polish?”
“She made HOW MUCH money in her last course launch?? Geez… I don’t make that much in a whole year…”
Of course, this is all a MIRAGE because you only see the parts of them that you yourself are ashamed of. You don’t see all of their struggles, self-doubts, mistakes… you don’t know what THEY lie awake at night worrying about because you don’t really know them.
Your brain just constructs this perfectly illusory version of them that tells you all the specific ways in which YOU suck and could be doing better because, “See? They’re already doing it! Why can’t you get your shit together??”
I even had to mute Vanessa’s Instagram posts for a little while because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to her and it was really dragging me down.
But you know when the Comparison Mirage shattered? When I actually got to KNOW Vanessa in our tiny mastermind. The 8 of us talked nearly every day through a Facebook group. We met once a month for an intensive dive into our businesses and struggles. There were breakthroughs and lots of tears. We all got really close.
And I finally saw that Vanessa was not some sort of ideal… she was a very human person who had earned incredible success and visibility because of her skills and hard work, and mostly, her willingness to try things and learn and put herself out there.
25% BURNOUT??
Out of the 8 people in our mastermind, 3 of us have either taken extended sabbaticals or closed our businesses permanently. In the mastermind class ahead of us, there was another person who ended up leaving online entrepreneurship entirely.
So 4 out of 16 highly successful, ambitious, fast-growing online business owners went through major burnout and had to do something drastic to reset.
25%. Admittedly, out of a really small sample size, but I think it tells us something important about the motivations behind entrepreneurship.
All of us invested lots of money to learn how to “scale” our businesses, because of the promise we saw there.
Make lots more money while working less which…
Gives us safety and security and prosperity which…
Allows us to live a more peaceful, contented life.
>>> We all just wanted to FEEL BETTER INSIDE OF OURSELVES.
But at least for me, the growth started to become a goal in and of itself. What if I could make $500K in annual revenue? Ooh, why not go for a million?? Or multiple seven figuresssss????
And I did make excellent money. Money that allowed me to qualify for a loan and put a down payment on a house for my family that we always dreamed of. Money that allowed me to take lots of time off when I eventually did burn out.
BUT:
I was NOT working less. I was working the same number of hours, but doing less fun stuff and ON TOP OF THAT, I would WORRY about my business for all the other hours in my day.
I did NOT feel safe and secure. As my business grew in size and complexity, my expenses grew as well. So I felt like I HAD TO MAKE a certain amount of money each month and I worried constantly at every downtick in sales.
I was SO NOT PEACEFUL AND CONTENT. I would wake up anxious in the middle of the night. I was checking Instagram constantly. My mood depended entirely on how many sales we had made that day through our funnel.
Beware of COMPARISON MIRAGES!
Maybe for some of you, -I- am a Comparison Mirage.
But now you know more about the full human-ness and struggle of me, and hopefully that helps to dissolve that comparison.
I do not, for one second, regret investing in that program that helped me scale. Or the mastermind that followed. I grew INCREDIBLY as a person and entrepreneur. I have a sense of security now that comes from my FAITH in myself. I KNOW that I can add value to this world and make money whenever I want to.
And also, my quick and sexy success came with a real BURNOUT price.
That’s why I’m trying to do business REALLY DIFFERENTLY now.
The INNER SKILLS that will help me become a truly successful, happy, long-term entrepreneur:
The ability to make confident decisions while…
Having my own back regardless of the outcome, and…
Expanding my capacity for the discomfort of growth, and
Most importantly, doing it all in my own quirky, wise, uniquely creative and valuable way.
These are the skills I’m working on now.
I’m feeling really hopeful about where I’m headed.